


Our love is enough

by Draga



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: 3x09, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama, F/F, First Fight, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 12:16:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17601218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draga/pseuds/Draga
Summary: Cheryl and Toni fight after being kicked out of the Serpents.





	Our love is enough

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a native speaker so sorry if I misspelled something.

She could be angry, at Jughead, at Cheryl, at herself and at the Serpents. She could be sad about being kicked out of the gang she was part of for all her life, just like her family. The Serpents are -were- her family. And she could feel lost after what happened and what could happen now. But she wasn't any of those things, or maybe she was all of them at the same time. But mostly, she was disappointed.

 

It wasn't when Jughead reclaimed their jackets, kicking them out, when she really lost her family; she felt like she lost her family when no one stood up for her. Not even Sweet Pea. Meanwhile, Cheryl kept making it worse, and even if she was right exposing Jughead and his hypocrite ass, she didn't stood up for her either, even knowing how important were the Serpents for her. Should they be that important to her considering how they stayed silent while Jughead kicked her out? She was confused and all her feelings were driving her crazy. The thick tension between she and Cheryl in the drive to Thistlehouse wasn't helping to organize her mind.

 

She drove faster than she would normally do, especially with Cheryl on the back of the bike, but it was a way to feel like she was escaping from what happened half an hour before. She just lost her family, her friends, her fellows. 

 

Toni could tell that Cheryl was angry by the way she was griping her waist, and she could feel it. She briefly thought she wishes Cheryl would feel too what Toni was feeling, but quickly pushed that thought down, feeling selfish about it because she knew Cheryl. She knew her well enough to know that even if she didn't understand Toni's way to see some situations, it didn't mean that she didn't care about Toni or her feelings. Toni appreciated so much that even if in situations she wasn't able to understand Toni's feelings or thoughts, she would try and sympathize with her because at the end, Cheryl cared about her. Cheryl adored Toni, craved her. Loved her. Toni could feel Cheryl's love, in every touch, every kiss. It was almost palpable. She could see it in every smile, in her eyes. Toni knew Cheryl loved her for a long time even if she didn't say it until yesterday. Maybe the fact that the just said it was what made it more painful to see Cheryl rambling against Jughead instead of focusing on the important thing: Toni. She knew Cheryl was impulsive, even reckless, that she didn't handle well not being the one in charge and the fact that Jughead of all people was the one with power over her, made it worse. She knew everything about Cheryl and was in love with every detail about her.

 

That's the reason she was mad at herself: even madly in love with Cheryl and every side of her, she was wishing Cheryl would have do something she would never do. Not right now, at least. Their road trip helped them to bond so much, but she always knew Cheryl would have problems adjusting at being with other people when they came back, even if Toni was there, Cheryl's first move would be putting herself first, above the others. Above Toni. And yes, eventually she would comprehend what she did and would try to embrace the fact that even being back at Riverdale, she was still in a relationship. Toni got that not all the people put other people above them, and that that didn't mean they didn't love them. But didn't love consist in sometimes stop being selfish in favour to see the other happy? Toni always thought she was happy if Cheryl was really selfish because maybe that way people would stop taking advantage of her, that it would be the best for her. But now she didn't think so, and that was confusing.

 

They arrived soon at Thistlehouse, neither of them wanting to start the conversation because they both felt it wouldn't end well, and neither wanted to felt responsive of start the fire that could get them burned. 

 

It wasn't until Toni was in the room that now was theirs that the weight of what happened started to be so much to carry without breaking down. She didn't want to cry, but the way Cheryl stopped dead in her tracks behind her told Toni that probably she felt the tension too and knew that not talking about it was borrowed time. A countdown before the explosion.

 

\- TT? - Cheryl asked tentatively while Toni was changing in her pyjamas -. Don't you want to dinner? 

 

Cheryl wasn't a fool. She knew since they left behind the Serpents' camp that Toni was going to give her the silent treatment in favor of not saying something she could regret and would hurt Cheryl, but know that the person with whom it was easier to communicate was probably unable to tell her something without screaming at her, made the situation unbearable. Cheryl knew that she deserved that treatment, but the tense jaw of Toni made her want to be screamed at instead of not communicating with her girlfriend.

 

\- TT...- she tried again, still dead by her bed's side. Normally she would be drooling at the sight of Toni changing in her sleep clothes, but the fact that her eyes were focused on the back of Toni's head instead of her ass, was evidence of the importance of the situation.

 

\- I'm not hungry, Cheryl - Toni said in the most serious Toni Cheryl has ever listened, at least being directed at her. Toni was always incredibly soft with Cheryl, and she loved the difference between the tone Toni used for other people and the way 

\- You are mad- Cheryl stated, because prolonging the agony was making it worse. 

 

Toni turned around with a arched eyebrow before crossing her arms.

 

\- Do you think so, Cheryl? - she asked sarcastically in a low tone. Cheryl bit the tip of her tongue, accepting the punch on her stomach that was that side of Toni directed at her. She never saw Toni being mad at her and even if she knew it was a matter of time she would see it, she wasn't sure how to feel about it right now. Cheryl knew that the force of their relationship would be tested when they fight and tried to convince herself that it even would solidify their relationship in all the ways. 

 

\- You can tell me, TT. If I do or say something wrong, you are there for me to make me realize what I'm doing wrong. I know you are mad and that you are angry at me, but I want to know what I said to make you feel that way when I was only trying to make Jughead see that he was being unfair and hypocrite - she moved towards Toni, her eyes pleading that that conversation wouldn't turn in an argument impossible to solve.

 

Toni clenched her jaw.

 

\- And I'm doing it right now, Cheryl, I will always help you through everything, but there are things that I can't do for you even if I want to.- Toni knew that even if she was deeply, madly in love with Cheryl, she couldn't allow love to blind her. - I love you, Cheryl, but I can't force you to be, say, see or do something you aren't ready to do yourself. What we did... What I let you did kissing that fucking picture was reckless and dumb and - her voice cracked, the imagine of the Serpents looking at her like they didn't know her... Fangs and Sweet Pea glaring at them after exposing Fangs... She felt so guilty and stupid. 

 

Cheryl was analysing tentatively every emotion in Toni's eyes. It was as if a storm was inside them. She didn't know how to act, what she should say. She was afraid of making everything worse, of losing Toni, but she needed her to understand her point.

 

\- I know you are mad, TT, but didn't you see them? I know I didn't handle the situation well, that I should kept shut up or stood up for you to stay in the gang, but they were all agreeing with Jughead and that's why the didn't say anything. They don't deserve you.

 

And suddenly Cheryl understood: was she any better than the Serpents? Did she deserve Toni? No, no one deserved Toni. But she really loved her. She was only trying to be fair.

 

\- Please, Cheryl, it doesn't have to do anything with that - her girlfriend sighed, getting more angry second by second.

 

\- Then what is it, Toni? - And Toni knew too that Cheryl was getting mad only because she called her Toni, but as much as she didn't want to upset her or made Cheryl feel bad, she was losing the capacity of thinking twice before speak to not hurt Cheryl.

 

\- It's about them being my family, Cheryl, no matter what! - she raised her voice -. And when you joined, I wasn't expecting it to end like this. I excepted you and them to come to a terms that even if you are from opposite sides, you all love me enough to put that aside for me, and neither of you did it! Yes, Jughead was being an asshole, but you failed too and even if they are my family, I excepted you to handle the things differently because you know how unfair a family can be. Just like I always saw the unfair things your mother did and wanted to punch her in the face, the important thing about it all was how were you, how you were feeling and how to make you feel better. Because we don't choose families but we choose our friends, we choose our partners and they should probably know you better than your family. But you did the same thing that Jughead did; you tried to be fair towards the situation being unfair towards me. You both turned stealing a damn egg more important than my place in my family.

 

The silent after Toni's words was deadly. Neither of them wanted this to happen but there they were, fighting for the first time.

 

Cheryl stayed silent for a minute, the words of her girlfriend punching her so hard that she wasn't able to breathe well. Her eyes started to get wet, the pain of fighting with Toni only overcome with the pain of know that she failed her. She wasn't any better than Jughead. She really thought of Toni, she was trying to defend her and herself in front of all the other Serpents, she was trying to make them all see how hypocrite was Jughead, how that throne was so big for him and how unfair she was towards them, towards Toni. But she was focusing on going against Jughead. She was defending Toni without knowing if she even wanted to be defended. 

 

She remembered how many times Jason told her that she shouldn't let Penelope hurt her and should stand up against her, and how he pointed the importance of knowing when she should stand up and when she should accept a lost battle in favour of winning the war. She was so focused on exposing Jughead that she didn't think if it would be better let himself and the others see how wrong he was and didn't make him more angry. Was there even a chance now of coming back? Maybe if she have stayed silent he will be begging them to come back the next day, saying sorry about how he handled the problem. But Cheryl handled it bad too, and now it wasn't only Jughead's fault that Toni was out of the Serpents; it was Cheryl's fault too.

 

Know that only made her more angry at herself, resulting on her snapping at everyone but herself; at Toni.

 

\- I'm sorry if I disappointed you not being what you expected - she whispered. She didn't yelled, but the poison and the hurt in her voice made Toni grimace with pain. But instead of saying sorry, she got even more angry.

 

\- That's unfair, Cheryl, do not try to manipulate as it suits you - Toni sighed moving her head.

 

Cheryl snapped.

 

\- Am I manipulating? - she yelled, furious-. You are telling me that you expected more from me than from the Serpents and that I have failed you!

 

Toni put her hands to her head, snarling in frustration as she paced the room. Cheryl remained in her place, perhaps feeling that staying in the same place will give the same stability to her arguments. Finally Toni turned to face Cheryl again, her own eyes shining with tears of frustration and sadness about being kicked out and her argument with Cheryl. Was it that hard to understand her? Why Cheryl couldn't understand and stopping acting defensively? She wasn't trying to attack her, she was trying to express her feelings.

 

\- You are focusing on what interests you. You do not understand my point - she softened her voice again to see if Cheryl could stop and listen to her, understand her. She didn't want to snap at Cheryl. She knew Cheryl better than anyone and how difficult it was for her to deal with other people and situations were she wasn't the one in charge. -. I love you and you love me, you chose me just as I chose you, while the family can not be chosen. Is it so bad to expect a person who chosed me, who loves me, to treat me better than my family?

 

A sob broke Cheryl's angry face, realization hitting her so fucking hard. She really made it worse. She really failed Toni. 

 

\- TT, I'm sorry for what I said to Jughead when...

 

Toni sighed, frustrated.

 

\- No, Cheryl, you are not sorry for that. Please, don't apologize to me if you won't change what you said you are sorry for. You would do and say the same to Jughead any other day. 

 

A beat passed until Cheryl finally spoke.

 

\- I'm sorry that what I said to Jughead made it worse and lead us to being kicked out of the Serpents. I'm sorry for being kicked out in part for what I said, but I don't feel sorry for exposing that wannabe Serpent king's ass - Cheryl said in a tone of voice so much serious, tears still shining in her eyes and arms crossed, hugging herself. Toni knew it was a defensive position and although she didn't want to make Cheryl feel attacked by her words, she needed to say them and Cheryl needed to listen to them. Cheryl needed to understand, not only Toni but the situation they were in.

 

\- And I'm sorry about making you feel that you should do better than the Serpents - Toni said sincerely, taking a step towards her girlfriend.

 

Cheryl shook her head, sniffling.

\- But you are right. I love you and I should know you better than them. I should have focused on you instead of on an argument about stealing a damn egg. I should have said that we will give back the egg to Veronica and apologize for breaking that stupid rule.

 

Toni nodded slightly, looking at the floor.

 

\- It's still unfair what I said - she insisted in a soft voice -. You all are different people that I can't compare. I should never compare you to the Serpents or make you feel like I'm choosing between you or they. I couldn't choose between you and the Serpents. 

 

Cheryl's breath hitched, her heart stopped and hurt showed in her eyes, new defensive barriers surrounded her heart.

 

\- Because you would choose them - she said in the most betrayed and hurt way a human could possibly speak. 

 

Toni frowned, shooking her head quickly.

 

\- Because it isn't fair - the other girl pointed -. Besides, I'm here with you, aren't I? They are mi family, even if there are problems sometimes. That's what happens in families. And I love you and just like I would never put you above them, I would never, ever, put them above you. I could never choose - and the pause before ending the phrase already told Cheryl it will be painful to heard, but guessing it is nothing compared with actually hearing it: - but you did it for me tonight. 

 

Cheryl's heart trembled with fear and remorse. She really fucked everything up, didn't she? She screwed everything. Not only she lost a group of people that accepted her even being a Blossom and wanting them far away from the Northside and her, she pulled Toni's family away from her. It wasn't like Toni and her mother hating each other, because Toni loved the Serpents, Toni loved being a Serpent. That gang was the only thing Toni has ever known, and even if she didn't like Jughead as their king or some decisions and the fights, they were her family after all. And Cheryl ripped it apart from her. 

 

Suddenly, it was Cheryl who couldn't handle being around Toni, not knowing she really hurt her. She had never thought she would do that, but she hurt Toni in the most painful way. She saw how upset she was while Cheryl kept rambling at Jughead and just because she thought she was doing what she had to do to put that hobo in his place. She didn't put Toni first. She didn't let Jughead go on with his shit and she made it worse, without thinking about Toni. And it hurt so much admitting to herself that she did that to the only person that loved her for who she was, who would stood up for her in a beat, who probably would forgive her even if she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve Toni either, and she already knew, but seeing how hurt and upset Toni was because of her was so different from only knowing it. 

She could see Toni's eyes began to tear up, she could hear her voice breaking, probably like her heart did. And not only she hurt her once ripping her apart from her family; she keep hurting Toni forcing her to decide between her and the Serpents. She was so fucking selfish and even if she already knew it, part of her thought it would be different with Toni because she really, genuinely and deeply loved Toni. Still, she manage to hurt the only person she would never mean to hurt, and it was overwhelming seeing Toni trying not to snap at her, because Toni knew her and how she would react if the only person she trusts suddenly yelled at her. Part of Cheryl loved Toni even more for keep putting her first, but the other part really wished that Toni yelled at her. If neither the Serpents and Cheryl could put Toni first of everything, she deserves to do it herself. 

 

And as she says it, she is regretting every letter that compose the words she would never want to say to Toni:

 

\- Please, leave.

 

The fact that Toni wasn't even surprised about her petition makes it more painful. The slight nod of her head before she grabbed a bag and started to fill it with clothes made Cheryl sob. Was she expecting Cheryl to kick her out too? She really wasn't doing that, she didn't mean it like "You better leave my house right now", because even if she was angry and sad she would never kick Toni out for some many reasons. First of all, she knew that especially now, out of the Serpents, Toni didn't have a place to stay and Riverdale had become even more dangerous than before. And she really loved and needed Toni. She would never want her to move out of her -their- house. She felt angry about the fact that probably Toni wasn't able to think about Thistlehouse as her house as well. Cheryl didn't ask Toni to move in to live with Cheryl in Cheryl's house. She asked her to move in to finally have a place to stay, to live. It wasn't a borrowed thing. Cheryl wasn't letting her live with her until she didn't want Toni around -something that would never happen- she was giving her a house, a home, regardless which bond existed between them. Toni was an amazing person who deserved the world, and Cheryl wanted to give it to her.

 

As much as she regretted her words and wanted to said "I wasn't being serious, I'm stupid, please stay", Cheryl stood at the end of her bed, eyes shut closed and nails painfully grabbing her own arms, unable to move or speak as Toni made her way out of the room without saying anything.

 

Only the sound of the main door closing makes it impossible to hear how Cheryl's heart breaks, and instead, the sobs against her hand and the pieces of her broken heart and pride falling to the floor is all that is heard in the house for hours. Maybe being kicked out of the Serpents wasn't only her fault, but this? This was all her fault.

 

Four hours of crying and feeling her heart shatter with regret took Cheryl to finally push her pride down and stopped being a bitch. She grabbed her phone in a rush and started to blow Toni's phone, fresh tears starting to make their way down her face.

 

•Cheryl: Toni, please, come back home

•CheryI: I didn't mean it like that, I wasn't kicking you out

•Cheryl: Where are you?

•Cheryl: TT at least tell me you are in a safe place, I'm so worried

•Cheryl: Please, I'm so sorry

 

And it took two more hours for Toni to respond with a only text that made Cheryl feel worse than before, if it was possible.

 

•Toni: Don't worry, I found a place to stay. I think it will be better if we take a couple of days to cool off.

 

Thoughts of where Toni could be and for how long started to mess with Cheryl. She started crying again, burying her face in Toni's pillow, her scent filling her chest with a feeling of love and loose.

 

It was not until two days later -worse than even those Cheryl spent locked in SOQM- that she knew that Veronica had allowed Toni to stay at her speakeasy after finding her that night at Pop's, probably about to fall asleep over the table. It was Veronica who told her that Toni had apologized for what they did, so Cheryl decided to do the same with Jughead. It took her half an hour, a lot of lost pride, a little manipulation to make the boy feel bad and a hamburger all it took to convince him to at least readmit Toni. Her place was with the Serpents, and they both knew it.

 

After Jughead called Toni to tell her that she was readmited, Toni messaged Cheryl to meet her and talk again. Cheryl told Toni to came directly at Thistlehouse that afternoon. The younger girl decided to use the bell instead of the keys that Cheryl gave her when she moved in. 

 

\- Hi - Cheryl gave her girlfriend a small smile to easy the tension before letting her in. 

 

They sit at the sofa closer, both have missed each other so much that the only wanted to jump over the other girl. But they knew that they needed to talk first.

 

\- Thank you for talking to Jughead. I wasn't excepting him to let me come back soon - Toni looked shyly at her hands and laughed slightly, making Cheryl smile fondly.

 

\- I wasn't excepting him to even listen to me but I can be convincing when I want to, even if that means treating kindly that hobo, and I really wanted and needed to fix what I did wrong - she took Toni's hand between hers while Toni got closer to her, eyes locked with love.

 

\- I also did things wrong, Cheryl, you should not bear all the blame.

 

Cheryl shook her head, gripping harder Toni's hand.

 

\- Telling me what I did wrong is not a mistake, baby, even if it hurts to hear it. I myself must have realized my mistakes, and not just wait for you to tell me them and then get angry or defensive - she sighed -. I know that you want the best for me, just as I do for you, and that we can do better.

 

Toni smiled, her eyes shining with adoration.

 

\- We will argue again, like all couples, but in the end it is comforting to know that we love each other enough to fix it - they laughed.

 

\- I definitely love you enough to even apologize to Jughead - Cheryl rolled her eyes fondly before Toni grabbed her face and kissed her, both sighing in relief.

 

Half an hour later both were naked in Cheryl's room having the most needy and savage sex they had ever had. The room was full of moans and whines of pleasure as Toni kept Cheryl against the bed, her head between her girlfriend's legs as Cheryl screamed and clung tightly to Toni's hair, her legs as far apart as they could be thanks to her flexibility, before she writhed with pleasure and her trembling thighs caught Toni's head while she used her tongue as she knew Cheryl liked.

 

Toni climbed her way up kissing Cheryl's body. The redhead moaned loudly when Toni kissed her, forcing her tongue inside her mouth letting Cheryl taste herself.

 

\- You are such a bossy bottom - Toni laughed in her ear, making Cheryl shiver, so her punch in Toni's back wasn't as hard as she intended it to be. Even if it was true, even if Toni mostly tops her, she hated when she said it like she didn't devour Toni's pussy every time they fucked. Although she hated being called bottom, it turned her on when Toni was turned on by topping her. Maybe she would be actually mad if it wasn't so fucking hot when Toni pinned her to the bed and whispered dirty things in her ear while she fucked Cheryl so hard and deep and fast and exactly like Cheryl wanted. 

 

\- You like it - Cheryl stated between shaky breaths. Toni moaned in response making her smile, because she loved how it turned Toni so on. Letting Toni get control over her, bending over any table, shake her ass or whispering in her ear dirty insinuations never failed in making Toni the wetter a girl could be.

 

\- I like everything about you, even if you are so frustrating sometimes - Toni growled while ravaging with kisses and bites her neck, making Cheryl moan in Toni's ear in response -. Because I'm in love with you.

 

Cheryl moaned in pleasure, relief and happiness. Not only Toni loved her, she was in love with Cheryl. She actually fell in love with her, even if Cheryl was a fucked up person. Even if she was selfish and awful, even if she didn't do feelings and talking so well, Toni, being the most selfless, careful, loving and loyal person, understands Cheryl and is in love with her. 

 

Cheryl almost couldn't really believe it, but the thought itself it's almost everything she needed to reach her climax with Toni's fingers inside her and her mouth gasping in her ear, soft sexy moans coming out in shaky breaths while Toni grinded quickly on Cheryl's thigh. 

 

\- Fuck... TT... I - Cheryl's head snapped from the pillow, her back tensed as her thighs shaked, new waves of pleasure hitting her body and heat from her core poured in Toni's palm as Toni herself reached her orgasm, her warm wetness sliding on Cheryl thigh -. Oh my god, Toni - she gasped for air with her heart pounding hard, her arms and legs hugging Toni closer while her girlfriend snuggled in her neck, trying to stead her own breath.

 

After some minutes in silence, just enjoying the intimacy of being hugged and naked after making love, Cheryl whispered with the most vulnerable voice Toni has ever heard from her: 

 

\- Forgive me, please.

 

Toni sighed, snuggling closer to Cheryl. 

 

\- You are already forgiven, babe. Am I forgiven? 

 

\- You didn't do anything wrong, TT. You don't need to be forgiven.

 

\- Yes, I did. I said I expected something from you that... 

 

\- That should have come from me. you were right and I shouldn't be angry about it, neither you should feel sorry to point. I should have acted differently.

 

\- Maybe, but I don't want you to do it because I want you to do it, okay? Cheryl, I don't want you to do or say things for me because I wish you would do so. I wish you would do it because you want. And if you don't, that's right, I respect you and I have no right to be mad. I don't wanna change you or the way you think, but sometimes you have to stop and think twice before speak because even if you think being defensive will protect you, it could hurt you more than it would do if you accept that sometimes we have to listen things we don't want to and suffer trough them. Being defensive will only lead you to not being able to listen anything you don't want to listen, but some people just want the best for you and that means telling you when you are doing something wrong. I just want you to know that I love you and nothing, no one, could ever change that.

 

And she closed her eyes, smiling against Toni's hair, mumbling a sincere "I know" before resting until she was able to actually show her girlfriend how much she loved her.

 

And Toni doesn't make her promise that the next time Cheryl will think twice before speak, because she respects and loves Cheryl just as she is, and because Cheryl promises herself to do it. She will oblige herself to work in her impulsivity because it's better for her, and Toni doesn't have to be fucked up just because Cheryl's selfish behaviour.

 

Yes, probably she will screw up things again, but she will try her best not to. Because even if she can't stand Jughead and the Serpents, she loves Toni and she would do anything for her. She's glad that even if they fight, they can talk and solve their problems, because that's what they do. Even if her first instinct is put herself first and protect herself without think about the others, Toni is able to make her see the things just like they are, even if she doesn't like what she's seeing. Toni makes her want to be less selfish, and even if there are so much to still work with, that's progress and she knows she can be a better person with Toni by her side. 

 

She could do it better next time. Cheryl would do it better, and she would make sure the Serpents will do it too, because even if they don't deserve her, Toni deserves the world.


End file.
